WASHINGTON, DC – One of Donald Trump’s first actions as President of the United States was sign an Executive Order reducing the total number of words in the English language to 150.
“Trump is a dumb, dumb person and as such he does not know very many words,” said White House Press Secretary, Sean Spicer.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Summer is here and with it brand new fashion.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Sandra Day O’Connor posted a tweet yesterday that may or may not have been a dig at former pal Madeleine Albright.

WASHINGTON, DC – After reviewing reports of recent setbacks, Chairman of the Republican National Committee, Reince Priebus, has said he will soon authorize the use of troops and drones in the party’s war on women.

“No single battle has been a catastrophic loss but as these little failures start to pile up… women begin gaining confidence and we simply cannot have that,” said Priebus.

I’m here today to give you my picks for the best vacation spots here in the good ol’ US of A.

WASHINGTON, DC – In an effort to increase their social media presence and communicate their platform more efficiently to younger Americans, the Republican Party has started a program to teach its base how to use the internet.

“Republicans need to start tweeting and Facebooking and Yelping and they just need to start being online more. A lot more,” said Republican Strategist William Smithson.

ATLANTA, GA – A college co-ed isn’t sure, but she thinks she regrets most of the events that occurred during her New Year’s Eve party.

ELKTON, MD – A local couple says they are confused by their child’s resemblance to their next door neighbor.

FORT SMITH, AR – Mother Nature held a press conference last week because the people of Earth “don’t seem to be picking up the hint.”

VATICAN CITY – In an effort to prevent further molestation of young boys by priests in the Catholic Church, the Pope has announced a change to the way mass will be conducted. Young boys will no longer participate in mass and in their place priests will use young, attractive women.

“There willa be ah no morea alter boys inna the church,” said Cardinal Antonio Cassius of Italy.