ATLANTA, GA – After attending a workplace efficiency seminar, local Office Manager Morgan LeFreup, is excited about suggesting a number of changes to coworker’s processes.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – The new installment of the Star Wars franchise, Episode VIII, ‘The Last Jedi,’ is still several months away from hitting theaters but rumors about the plot have started hitting the internet.

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Local man Jared Waterton says that he is no longer comfortable in his football-themed man-cave.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Although several weeks have passed since the office holiday party, office administrator Carrie Hoplight, refuses to forgive coworker Jenny Matthews for stealing the gift she wanted.

SALEM, OR – The man a couple cubes down is stating that he has a great idea for a mobile application that will make him millions of dollars.

MEMPHIS, TN – As tensions between police officers and civilians rise across the country, the National Association of Police Organizations (NAPO) is recommending that police officers begin shooting more white people.

“A lot of the tension is racially based, with the perception that police officers shoot minorities more often than white people,” said NAPO spokesman Eddie O’Reilly.

WASHINGTON, DC – During the State of the Union address last month President Obama made a number of statements reflecting on the past year and made a number of promises looking ahead.

NEW YORK, NY – New York Yankees’ fans have been promised that retiring shortstop Derek Jeter will be taken upstate to live out the rest of his years on a farm.

OMAHA, NB – With suburban white fear at an all-time high, parents across the country are approaching Halloween differently this year, hoping to make sure nothing bad happens to their children.

“It has never been a more dangerous time to be a white Christian,” said Gwen Stringer. “With everything that’s going on with those ISIS people, all the abductions, and the those people… I mean, the situation in Ferguson, oh and let’s not forget Ebola!”