Santa Claus Switches Sleigh from Reindeer Power to Electric Power
Published December 2022NORTH POLE – To help offset his carbon footprint, Santa Claus has announced that he has converted his sleigh from reindeer power to electric power.
Sanctions Imposed on Russian Porn After Russian Invasion of Ukraine
Published March 2022NEW YORK, NY – The United States of America and the European Union announced drastic new sanctions against Russia as a result of the war in Ukraine. The sanctions will block the import of any pornography from Russia.
Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory Spokesbear Diagnosed with Diabetes
Published June 2019DURANGO, CO – The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory spokesbear, Truffles, has announced that she has been diagnosed with diabetes due to a decades-long diet comprised almost exclusively of chocolate.
Researchers Studying Soccer Players’ Injury Recovery
Published February 2018COLUMBUS, OH – Researchers at the Cleveland Clinic are studying soccer players around the world for their unique ability to recover quickly from injury.
Putin Waiting Until Christmas to Open Trump’s Present
Published November 2016MOSCOW, RUSSIA – Russian President Vladimir Putin says he is excited but still waiting until Christmas Day before opening his gift from United States President Elect Donald Trump.
Report: Clinton’s Email Mostly Twilight Fanfic
Published September 2016WASHINGTON, D.C. – The investigation in to Hillary Clinton’s use of a private email during her time as United States Secretary of State has revealed more than 80 percent of the emails sent or received by Clinton were Twilight fan fiction and pantsuit catalogs.
“(The FBI) reviewed all available emails and while we found nothing to indicate a violation of any law, we did find a shockingly large number of Twilight fan fiction stories and pantsuit catalogs,” said FBI Director, James Comey.
After Long Winter, Dow Jones Plans to Get High
Published March 2016MANCHESTER, NH –William “Dow” Jones announced that he is coming out of a month’s long depression and plans to “get really, really high” soon.
Woman Begins Mentally Preparing for Thanksgiving
Published October 2015COLUMBUS, OH – Local woman Rachel Connors will spend the next several weeks mentally preparing herself for Thanksgiving dinner with her family.
Grandmother Still Waiting for Chainletter to Pay Off
Published December 2014OMAHA, NE – Local grand mother, Cheryl Gilchrist, has been patiently waiting the riches promised in a chain letter she sent to 10 friends 25 years ago.
Retailers Release Designer Appliances for Mother’s Day
Published April 2014NEW YORK, NY – Just in time for Mother’s Day, several top designers have come out with new lines of products developed to appeal more to the modern woman.