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![Mike Velenski spent much of his time at recent holiday parties explaining that he purchased his Tesla prior to learning Elon Musk is a dipshit.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/518t.png)
Local Man Spends Holiday Parties Explaining When He Purchased His Tesla
Published January 2024SEATTLE, WA – A local Tesla owner, Mike Velenski, spent a large portion of recent holiday parties explaining to family and coworkers that he purchased the vehicle before finding out Elon Musk is a complete dipshit.
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Local Mother Mentally Preparing Herself for Mother's Day Disappointment
Published May 2023SPOKANE, WA – A local mother has begun preparing herself for the inevitable disappointment of Mother’s Day.
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Twitter to Ban Hate Speech Aimed at Rich People
Published January 2023SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of increasing hate speech on the platform, Twitter has announced it will begin blocking hate speech directed at rich people.
![Santa Claus has converted his sleigh from reindeer power to electric power.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/482t.png)
Santa Claus Switches Sleigh from Reindeer Power to Electric Power
Published December 2022NORTH POLE – To help offset his carbon footprint, Santa Claus has announced that he has converted his sleigh from reindeer power to electric power.
![Jacob Gregory has successfully mentioned that he owns a Tesla in every conversation he's had since purchasing a Tesla.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/432t.png)
Tesla Owner Successfully Mentions He Owns a Tesla in Every Conversation
Published April 2021SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local Tesla owner, Jacob Gregory, has successfully worked the fact that he owns a Tesla into every conversation he’s had since purchasing the vehicle in late 2020.
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Elon Musk Gets High, Invents New Sandwich
Published January 2019LOS ANGELES, CA – Late last week Elon Musk called in to a radio program to announce that he has invented a new sandwich that will “revolutionize sandwich technology for generations.”
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