Social Media Companies to Allow Users to Opt-Out of Becoming Racist
Published May 2021SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of social and political pressure, social media companies will soon begin offering an option that will allow users to decline becoming racist.
Global Warming Traced to Florida Grandmother's Thermostat
Published April 2021BOCA RATON, FL – Scientist have traced climate change, specifically global warming, to a grandmother’s thermostat in Florida.
Restaurants to Server Half Eaten Meals to Children
Published February 2021LOS ANGELES, CA – Beginning this month, several prominent restaurant chains will begin serving children meals that come half-eaten.
Texas to Begin Requiring Residents to Generate Their Own Power
Published March 2021DALLAS, TX – After recent winter storms almost completely destroyed Texas’ power grid, the Texas state government has passed a law requiring all residents to generate their own power.
Gates Suggests People Focus on Positive Impacts to Possible Microchips in COVID Vaccines
Published December 2020MILWAUKEE, WI – Bill Gates addressed the conspiracy theories about the presence of microchips in COVID-19 vaccines by saying people are missing the positive aspects of the hypothetical implanted microchips.
Trump Hiding from Staff in White House
Published December 2020WASHINGTON, DC – After losing the Presidential election, by a considerable margin, Donald Trump has begun hiding from staff in the White House in a desperate attempt to remain President.
Trump Refuses to Come Out of Bunker After Seeing Ghost
Published November 2020WASHINGTON, D.C. – According to multiple sources within the White House, President Trump has been hiding in a bunker since Halloween after he reported seeing “a ghost.”
White, Suburban Woman Still Considering Excuses to Not Vote for Biden
Published September 2020LANSING, MI – Local white, suburban, mother, Lisa Huller, is still considering several different excuses to not vote for the Democratic Presidential nominee Joe Biden.
Frustrated Trump Unable to Bring Long Stick into White House
Published October 2020WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has been stuck outside the White House for several hours as he tries to enter the building carrying a long stick.
Cleaning Crew Called to Clear Trump’s Boogers from Desk
Published September 2020WASHINGTON, D.C. – A specialized cleaning crew has been called in to the Oval Office after White House staff discovered a large number of boogers that President Trump had smeared underneath the Resolute desk.