ATLANTA, GA – In what many are calling “a gathering of the greatest minds of today,” several well known rappers have been gathered in hopes of establishing a new vocabulary, and more importantly a new set of slang.

DETROIT, MI – To increase subscribers, the driver assistance system OnStar will be unveiling several new features aimed at easing the life of drivers world wide. One of the first new systems to be implemented will be a service to help drivers identify good, out-of-the-way places to bury dead bodies.

WASHINGTON, DC – With faith in their government at an all time low, the American people have elected a new party to take lead of Congress – The Klingon National Assembly. This marks the first time in the history of the United States that a third party, let alone one consisting entirely of a violent alien race, has been a majority in either the House of Representatives or the Senate.

DUBLIN, IRELAND – In a surprise announcement made last week in Dublin, the leaders of both Scotland and Ireland said the two countries would be uniting under a single ruler within the next two months. Mary McAleese, President of Ireland said the decision to combine the two countries was “an easy one to make and one that just made sense.”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – During a press conference about the recent sniper shootings in Washington, D.C., President George W. Bush made a stern, stoic facial expression to convey the severity of the situation. The expression came just after Bush made the statement “These shootings are a very serious and deinferring matter.”

GURBER, AZ – The small town of Gruber, Ariz. was rescued this week from a menace that has plagued the quiet, mountain community for nearly 60 years. Corporate juggernaut Barnes and Noble Booksellers, much to the relief of the citizens, snuffed out the strong-arm business tactics of Blank Page Book Store once and for all.

CASPER, WY – In a discovery that will undoubtedly set the anthropological world on its proverbial ear, researchers from the University of Wyoming have uncovered proof that English, particularly American English, has been the dominant language in most of the world, throughout history.

BANGOR, ME – During a press conference sponsored by the Society for Furthering Language Studies, board members announced the popular saying “Wassup?” will be retired into the Catch Phrase Hall of Fame on October 28.