SPACE, TIME – A petition has been delivered to Father Time requesting that the end of the world, currently scheduled for 2012, be moved forward.

MCDONALD CITY, MCDONALDLAND- Violence has escalated in the capital city of McDonaldland as millions have taken to the streets protesting the government and calling for the removal of Mayor McCheese.

“McCheese is a monster and he must go!” said protester Patty McHambuerger. “We will not stand behind him anymore! Someone should eat his face!”

BROOKLYN, NY – A local Democrat has become so angry with the government that she is taking a strong stand by updating her blog. Rochelle Avery has updated her blog 17 times in the last three months.

SAN ANTONIO, TX – Over the past weekend, thousands rallied in San Antonio to protest plans to open a new Mexican restaurant within blocks of the Alamo.

The protests began after Rubio’s Fresh Mexican Grill submitted plans to the city of San Antonio for a new location close to the Alamo.

In 1836 the Alamo was the site of a bloody battle during the Texas Revolution in which over 250 Texans were killed.

GLENDALE, AZ – The state legislature of Arizona has authorized opening several camps where officials will be able to distinguish which Hispanic-looking people are here illegally.

BOSTON, MA – A recent sociological study out of the Harvard University has concluded that 83% percent of Irish people are alcoholics.

CRAZYTOWN, US – The Mayor of Crazytown, Captain Artimis Buckminster III, says the protesting that has accompanied recent health care reform town halls has been well within his expectations.

TEHRAN, IRAN – In an effort to improve its image with the rest of the global community, Iran has announced plans to make several modifications to its current government policies.

HONOLULU, HI – In a recent press conference, Jesus H. Christ apologized for making an inappropriate joke about the swine flu during an appearance on “Jimmy Kimmel Live!.” The joke, which implied that the swine flu started after a Mexican citizen had sex with a pig, has caused a huge backlash against the spiritual leader.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In the wake of the stagnant economy and the upcoming presidential election, current President George W. Bush has announced a new economic package that will give every American that casts a vote for John McCain a $1,000 tax refund check.