LOS ANGELES, CA – Summer is here and with it brand new fashion.

MODESTO, CA – Local Man Dennis Clarke has told his family, friends and neighbors that he’ll take down his fucking Christmas lights when he fucking feels like it.

NEW YORK, NY – Toy Aficionado magazine has released its annual “Best toys” list to aide parents looking for the best and hottest toys this holiday season. The list features a number of new toys as well as a couple “old favorites.”

“This season is all about Star Wars,” said Toy Aficionado magazine Senior Editor Hal Sweera. “Star Wars has put its name on just about everything. And while the action figures and Lego sets may get a lot of attention, but the best Star War toy is actually the Rocks and Sticks set.”

WASHINGTON, DC – During his historic visit to the United States of America last month, the Pope was unable to meet one of his primary goals of the trip – see a football game in all 30 NFL stadiums.

The distance between the stadiums and the fact that most games are played on Sunday contributed to the Pope not reaching his goal.

“Much like God, I am a fan of the American football,” Pope Francis said.

MEMPHIS, TN – A woman on the 33 bus wants to know “what she say?”

SEATTLE, WA – As the FIFA Women’s World Cup winds down, Americans all across the country are getting ready to completely forget about women’s soccer.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Responding to critics and increasing pressure from women’s groups, Hollywood studio executives say they will temporarily change many of the decades long practices with regard to women.

CLEVELAND, OH – Responding to political pressure, the Cleveland Indians baseball team has changed its mascot from a Native American to a man from India.

AUSTIN, TX – The nephews of all Austin residents called earlier asking if there was any place they could crash this weekend because their bands are playing behind the Safeway as part of the South by Southwest Music Festival (SXSW).

NEW YORK CITY – The travel magazine, Destination Awesome, has released its list of the top five 2015 Spring Break destinations.