NSA Access Permanent School Records
Published August 2013WASHINGTON, DC – With approval from both Congress and the President, The National Security Agency now has access to every American’s permanent school records.
Every student who attended a school in America has a permanent record that contains information on the student including performance and disciplinary issues.
“We’ve been telling kids for generations that their permanent file will come back to haunt them and now it has,” said Department of Education Secretary, Arne Duncan.
North Korea Threatens To Hold Breath If Not Given Attention
Published March 2013Microsoft Says Congress Wants to Ban Phones
Published January 2013SEATTLE, WA – Spokespeople for Microsoft have begun telling customers that the United States government will soon prohibit the sales of Microsoft Windows phones so customers should stock up on the phones now, while they are still available.
“The government is gonna come in to our homes and take away our Microsoft Windows phones!” said Microsoft employee Racheal Gregor.
NRA Releases New Plan for School Safety
Published December 2012FAIRFAX, VA – After receiving tremendous backlash to its response to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting late last year, the National Rifle Association has released a new response suggesting that each school in the country should deploy robotic sentry guards.
“We realize that our comments after the Sandy Hook tragedy were not very popular and made (the NRA) look like horrible monsters but that’s not who the NRA is. The NRA cares about guns and people. Not just guns. But mostly guns.”
Bullies Joining Forces to Stop The Bullying of Bullies
Published May 2012DALLAS, TX – Bullies across the United States have banded together to call for an end to the call for the end of bullying.
Coworkers Find Office Decorations “Over the Top”
Published November 2011NEWARK, DE – Several employees of CPTB Industries have described the Christmas decorations in a co-workers cubicle as “a little over the top.”
Renowned Witches Endorse Christine O’Donnell for Senate
Published November 2010NEWARK, DELAWARE – In what is being described as a major coup, many prominent witches have given their endorsement to Delaware Senate hopeful, Christine O’Donnell.
Local Filmmaker Upset with Low Number of YouTube Views
Published August 2010JEFFERSON PARISH, LA – A local filmmaker is growing more frustrated as people continue to ignore his film which he posted on the YouTube over a month ago.
Mexican Restaurant Near Alamo Causes Outrage
Published August 2010SAN ANTONIO, TX – Over the past weekend, thousands rallied in San Antonio to protest plans to open a new Mexican restaurant within blocks of the Alamo.
The protests began after Rubio’s Fresh Mexican Grill submitted plans to the city of San Antonio for a new location close to the Alamo.
In 1836 the Alamo was the site of a bloody battle during the Texas Revolution in which over 250 Texans were killed.
Vampire Community Calls for Boycott of Twilight Films
Published August 2010HOLLYWOOD, CA – Vampire Americans, upset with the way vampires have been portrayed in the media, are calling for a boycott of all vampire movies, books and TV shows released now and in the future as well as anything released in the last five years.