OUTON, TX – Despite the fact that the show has not been on the air for over a decade, former “American Gladiator” star James Nielson still prefers people call him by his gladiator name, Panzer.

FLAGSTAFF, AZ – This month The Scoop News released its annual Hottest Guy of the Year award and let me be the first to say that I, for one, am not surprised at all. And I shouldn’t be surprised because I’m the one who came up with this crazy thing, but that’s beside the point. Anyways, who is this years top Stud? Well, none other than Senator Orrin Hatch. Yes, that’s right. That crazy little Republican from Utah has won many hearts this year and the least of which is this humble reporter’s.

CASPER, WY – In a discovery that will undoubtedly set the anthropological world on its proverbial ear, researchers from the University of Wyoming have uncovered proof that English, particularly American English, has been the dominant language in most of the world, throughout history.

IRVINE, CA – With pressure from the government and religious groups mounting, Hollywood executives and filmmakers are now blaming the amount of violence and sexual content in movies on Orange County resident Steve Prost. In a formal statement issued jointly by the Screen Actors Guild and executives of Warner Brothers, Dreamworks and Paramount Pictures, Prost is listed as the primary cause for the success of recent violent films including “Matrix” and “Gladiator.”

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Just a week after the broadcast of the 73rd Academy Awards, the Academy of Motion Picture Arts & Sciences has announced big changes for next year’s Oscars ceremony. In an effort to appeal to a younger, hipper crowd, the Academy’s governing board has decided to give not only the Oscar Award itself a makeover, but also drastically change the format of the show and the categories.