Heaven – God is defending the use of floods after online criticism accused God of having a lack of creativity and recycling ideas.

MENLO PARK, CA – Meta has announced a change in the company’s virtual reality strategy which will shift focus to producing a virtual reality for and containing only old, white people.

TOLEDO, OH – The winner of the recent Mega Millions lottery jackpot said she plans to purchase her very own politician with the winnings.

CINCINNATI, OH – Procter & Gamble has released a new version of the Swiffer Sweeper that attaches to small animals and will allow customers to use their pets to clean floors.

GLENDALE, AZ – After being visited by three ghosts, local businessman Walter Bandict, has announced that he will no longer offer his employees paid time off and medical benefits.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump is demanding that the training wheels be removed from his bicycle as he is “a big boy that can ride a bike like a big boy.”

NEW YORK, NY – A new line of pants will be hitting stores later this month that will appeal to a large group of males from all walks of life.

UPLAND, CA -In what doctors are reporting as a medical breakthrough, 15-year-old Rachelle Bremerton has said a complete sentence for the first time in three years.

AUSTIN, TX – Summer will be extended three months and Winter will be phased out over the next couple years according to a recent announcement from Mother Nature.

ATLANTA, GA – Just days after a mass shooting in a Louisiana movie theater, anti-gun advocates and the NRA faced off in another round of debates about gun control.