WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump was seen passing notes stating “will u go 2 war with me?” to other world leaders during a recent global economic summit.

BEAVERTON, OR – A regular at JavaTown café was saddened to learn that another regular customer is not gay.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Like many other Americans, President Trump and his staff have made New Year’s resolutions.

DALLAS, TX – A Teppanyaki chef at Texas Japan BBQ Emporium is struggling to perform while preparing food for a table of one.

SEATTLE, WA – The company behind the popular Dungeons & Dragons role playing game has announced a new expansion set giving players more options for character classes and new campaigns.

DALLAS, TX – The Valentine’s Day holiday can cause panic and anxiety for those looking for something original, exciting and romantic to do with their loved one.

KANSAS CITY, KS – The company behind Hooters is expanding in to healthcare and will soon open a new health care clinic called Breastview Hospital.

Chanticleer Holdings, the company behind Hooters and BT’s Burger Joint, is branching out, beyond hamburgers and wings, as part of a new business strategy to meet customer needs.

CLEVELAND, OH – Responding to political pressure, the Cleveland Indians baseball team has changed its mascot from a Native American to a man from India.

MEMPHIS, TN – As tensions between police officers and civilians rise across the country, the National Association of Police Organizations (NAPO) is recommending that police officers begin shooting more white people.

“A lot of the tension is racially based, with the perception that police officers shoot minorities more often than white people,” said NAPO spokesman Eddie O’Reilly.

SALT LAKE CITY, UT – Local Finance Manager Johnathan Nichols says he doesn’t understand why it seems so many minorities are untrusting of police officers.