MILWAUKEE, WI – Bill Gates addressed the conspiracy theories about the presence of microchips in COVID-19 vaccines by saying people are missing the positive aspects of the hypothetical implanted microchips.

NORTH POLE – After testing positive for COVID-19, Santa Claus has been receiving a controversial new treatment that includes the souls of 450 children, among other ingredients, to help Claus recover from the deadly disease.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In a shocking Post-Election revelation, the source of the mysterious Qanon conspiracy theory has been revealed to be the marketing team for the soft drink Mountain Dew.

PORTLAND, OR – As several states now require people to wear masks to slow the spread of COVID-19, Nike is set to release a new Nike Air Face Mask that will utilize air pump technology to contour the mask to the wearer’s face.

WILMINGTON, DE – As the coronavirus pandemic continues, DuPont is releasing a new line of personal protective equipment called buBBle which the company says is intended for every day, home, personal use.

LONDON, ENGLAND – Avon Products will be launching a new line of daily use face creams, called Crem De La BlaqueFace next month.

HELL – In an effort to increase its public perception, Hell has begun offering social media influencers incentives for promoting Hell.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – If ratings don’t improve network executives say they may be forced to cancel The Donald Trump Presidency.

NEW YORK, NY – A new line of pants will be hitting stores later this month that will appeal to a large group of males from all walks of life.