TOKYO, JAPAN – The ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has forced the International Olympic Committee to make several changes to events of this year’s Summer Olympic Games to accommodate athletes COVID-19 related symptoms.

MILWAUKEE, WI – Bill Gates addressed the conspiracy theories about the presence of microchips in COVID-19 vaccines by saying people are missing the positive aspects of the hypothetical implanted microchips.

DALLAS, TX – A local sports fan, Derrick Browdirt, has found himself unable to communicate with other males due to the cancellation of all sports and sporting events during the COVID-19 pandemic.

DALLAS, TX – Local father John Mansinni is slowly coming to terms with the fact that his son, John Jr, is a terrible athlete.

KANSAS CITY, KS – A newly implemented dress code has forced local developer Curt Dressop to dress like an adult.

COLUMBUS, OH – Researchers at the Cleveland Clinic are studying soccer players around the world for their unique ability to recover quickly from injury.

CHAPEL HILL, NC – Duke University student, Tyson Whitman, has expressed his disappointment and frustration that the Duke University basketball team failed to win the NCAA Basketball Championship, thus eliminating any chance Whitman had a participating an associated riot.

Duke University won the NCAA Basketball Championship in 2015, spurring Whitman to enroll at the university.

CLEVELAND, OH – With ratings falling for the fourth consecutive year, the National Basketball Association has announced that it will make sweeping changes to how games are played beginning next season.

Perhaps the biggest change will be to the overall structure of the game. Instead of four 12-minute quarters, an NBA basketball game will last five minutes with each team starting at 98 points.
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“In recent years, (the last five minutes ) is the only part of the game that people actually watch,” said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver.

CLEVELAND, OH – Responding to political pressure, the Cleveland Indians baseball team has changed its mascot from a Native American to a man from India.

NEW YORK, NY – New York Yankees’ fans have been promised that retiring shortstop Derek Jeter will be taken upstate to live out the rest of his years on a farm.