AUSTIN, TX – Governor Greg Abbott has announced a new plan to address the homeless crisis in Texas – large rugs. Beginning next week very large rugs will be placed over homeless camps in the state.

TOLEDO, OH – The winner of the recent Mega Millions lottery jackpot said she plans to purchase her very own politician with the winnings.

LOS ANGELES, CA – As thousands of students graduate college and move back in with their parents, redecorating tips for basement living spaces has become a popular social media trend.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – To incentivize reluctant employees to return to the office, companies are offering new in-office only perks like on-site clowns, monthly balloon parties, new glory holes, and free shrimp cocktail.

DENVER, CO – As mask mandates across the country are lifted, many Americans are finding it more difficult to identify jerks.

NEW YORK, NY – Brooks Brothers has unveiled a new line of clothes designed for men who work from home but still want to present themselves as professional on video conference calls.

NASHVILLE, TN – Country singer Glenn Coventry is considering posting a video of himself using the N-word to boost record sales for his new album.

LOS ANGELES, CA – The Hallmark Channel has released its upcoming holiday movie schedule which includes several new holiday movies.

LAKEWOOD, CO – Local ventriloquist, Joshua Castellino, is no longer invited to parties due to refusal to leave his dummy, Winston, at home.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – As summer approaches and businesses begin reopening in full, people across the country are looking forward to heading out to their local movie theater to catch the newest summer blockbuster films.