SEATTLE, WA – With the enormous success of the video game Rock Band, MTV Games has announced plans to extend the video game line with the addition of at least two news games scheduled to release this yea

TRENTON, NJ – Car salesman Gerry Traim has voiced disapproval for the nickname he has been assigned by his co-workers. Traim discovered the nickname, Major Ass, when he overheard others discussing his new car.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With the current economic crisis causing fears of a depression, Congress approved President Bush’s economic incentive plan that will allow American citizens the ability to print their own money.

CLEVELAND, OH – A local woman has told her co-workers that she understands, better than anyone else she knows, the current crisis in Kenya because her friend’s nanny is from South Africa.

OMAHA, NE – Sitting in his cubicle, Desktop Information Technology employee Garret Cutler dreams of, and is preparing for, the day when he will be called upon to save the world with his batch file writing skills.

SEATTLE, WA – In hopes of capitalizing on a large population of homosexuals living in the Seattle area, local entrepreneur, Terri Jillette, is opening the countries first Gay Care facility.

WACO, TX – A research group at Baylor University has discovered a life force that keeps human beings alive despite the lack of any value the person may contribute to society. This “Suck Force,” as the team refers to it, might be responsible for the continuing lives of such famously worthless humans as comedian Larry The Cable Guy, former singer Paula Abdul and Denver Broncos quarterback Jake Plummer.

ENGLEWOOD, CO – In a surprising and risky move, the telecommunication company MCI has decided to replace its entire sales workforce with children ranging from ages six to eight-years-old.

NEW YORK, NY – According to a recent poll, for the first time in almost 30 years losing weight is not among the top 10 New Years resolutions for Americans. The poll, conducted by People Magazine, included 750,000 Americans from all over the country, and shockingly the number one response was “Have more sex.”

CHICAGO, IL – Despite the gloomy forecast for this year’s holiday spending, Consumer Reports has unveiled its list of the eight hottest toys that are flying off shelves all over the country. The increased toy sales is expected to help kick start the economy, making this a fruitful season for everyone in the retail industry.