COLORADO SPRINGS, CO – Local conspiracy theorist says he is patiently waiting to be correct about the COVID vaccine killing millions.

CHARLOTTE, NC – A company team building event that was intended to focus on staff unity and communication, quickly turned to be all about Accounts Receivable Accountant Sheryl Lekhonen.

LINCOLN, NE – Local man, Dean Jeffries, is looking forward to sharing his thoughts and views on the Israel-Hamas war with his coworkers at the upcoming office holiday party.

WASHINGTON D.C., – Although severe cases and hospitalizations have decreased in recent months, scientists are the Center for Disease Control (CDC) say that COVID is still a valid excuse to not see relatives at Thanksgiving.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – A new study from a team of researchers at Stanford University has found that a large majority of single men remain single because they are “dipshits.”

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – To incentivize reluctant employees to return to the office, companies are offering new in-office only perks like on-site clowns, monthly balloon parties, new glory holes, and free shrimp cocktail.

NEW YORK, NY – To combat falling testosterone levels in American, white males, Fox News personality Tucker Carlson recommends drinking bull semen.

DENVER, CO – As mask mandates across the country are lifted, many Americans are finding it more difficult to identify jerks.

HEAVEN – After returning from vacation and seeing the state of Earth, God has promised to never again put his kids in charge while he is away.

BOULDER, CO – Local man, Matt Crellio, has revealed to coworkers that in addition to being an expert in virology he is also an expert in foreign policy with specific focus on Russia.