
Godzilla Denies Causing Japan Earthquake
Published March 2011TOKYO, JAPAN – In an effort to avoid further public outcry, Godzilla held a press conference earlier this week to deny any involvement in the recent Japanese earthquakes and tsunamis.
“In the weeks since the disaster, my name has been thrown out a lot as being responsible for this terrible, terrible disaster,” said Godzilla.
Recent Snow Falls Proves Global Warming Doesn’t Exist
Published November 2010OLSO, NORWAY – An international team of scientist have finally put to rest any debate about global warming saying that recent snow showers across the globe prove that that the earth is not getting warmer.
Long John Silver’s Buys Oil, Fish in Gulf of Mexico
Published May 2010NEW ORLEANS, LA – American fast food company Long John Silver’s has secured exclusive fishing rights in the Gulf of Mexico as it hopes to capitalize on the recent oil spill. The company is hoping to both make a substantial profit from “already oiled fish” and perhaps remove the oil from the water.
“What we have here is an amazing opportunity,” said Long John Silver’s president Walter Johnson.
Mother Nature Upset Humans Have Been Ignoring Her
Published April 2010FORT SMITH, AR – Mother Nature held a press conference last week because the people of Earth “don’t seem to be picking up the hint.”
Total on Register Almost Announces End Times
Published February 2009GLENDALE, AZ – A register total almost announced the arrival of the apocalypse but thanks to quick thinking, the end time was avoided at the last second with another purchase.
Match.com Consistently Matches Local Woman with Ugly, Creepy Men
Published February 2009LAKEWOOD, CO – Local woman Jenny McClintock is confused as to why Match.com continues to recommend “creepy and ugly guys” as potential dates.
Study Finds Space Smells Bad
Published February 2009HOUSTON, TX – On Tuesday, NASA announced that data collected on the latest space shuttle Discovery mission reveals that while space may be an infinite vacuum, it does have a distinctive smell.
McCain Rejects Controversial Christ's Endorsement
Published June 2008SEDONA, AZ – Only a few weeks after rejecting the endorsement of two controversial preachers, John McCain has announced that he has rejected yet another endorsement from a religious leader. In a public statement, McCain has denounced any connection to Jesus Christ.
U.S. Treasury To Sell Ad Space On Money, Flag
Published June 2007WASHINGTON, DC – In order to help alleviate the National debt and pay for the wars in Iraq and Afghanistan, President Bush has singed a law allowing for advertising space to be made available on U.S. currency and on the U.S. flag.
Comedian Offers Plan To Stop Global Warming
Published May 2007HOLLYWOOD, CA – With Global Warming becoming the hot topic among television and radio talk show hosts, celebrities have begun using their massive political influence and scientific expertise to help protect and revive aspects of the environment.