The NRA has sent cards to all high school graduates congratulating them on making it through school without getting shot and killed.

NRA Congratulates High School Grads Who Somehow Made It to Graduation Without Getting Killed

ALEXANDRIA, VA – The National Rifle Association has sent congratulation cards to all graduating, American high school students congratulating them for making it through school without falling victim to gun violence.


Food companies will have until the end of the year to list the number of child souls used in making the item.

FDA to Require Companies to Declare if Food Contains Souls of Children

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a new rule that requires companies to add a statement on product packaging declaring if the souls of children were used in a product.


Reporter Denise Holman lazily scrolls through Tik Tok as she waits for a new trend to appear.

Local Reporter Sitting Around Waiting for Next Tik Tok Trend to Appear

PHOENIX, AZ – Local reporter Denise Holman is waiting for the next Tik Tok trend to present itself so she can report on it.


Jason Strooper has no joy or laughter in his life as he no longer finds Buzzfeed article funny.

Buzzfeed Article Proves Local Man Has No Joy in His Life

MISSOULA, MT – Thanks to a recent article on the click bait website BuzzFeed, Jason Strooper has realized that he may not have any more joy left in his life.


Florida textbooks will now state that the Civil War was fought between Pepsi lovers and Coca-Cola lovers.

New Florida Law Requires Textbooks to State Civil War Was Fought Over Cola Choice

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida lawmakers have passed a new law that requires all textbooks used by publicly funded schools to be changed to say the American Civil War was fought over the choice of cola drinks.


Classified documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President Chase Johnson.

Classified Documents Found at Home of Former Student Council President

CHICAGO, IL – Makar Elementary School officials are calling for an investigation after confidential documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President, Chase Johnson.


Scott Hackerst is planning on selling a bowling shirt that he got from his uncle.

Local Man Confident He Can Sell Bowling Shirt for $80

PORTLAND, OR – Local man, Scott Hackerst, is pretty sure he can sell a bowling shirt he found at his uncle’s house for $80.


Some generic actors star in one of the new Hallmark Channel holiday films.

Hallmark Channel Releases Seven New Holiday Movies

LOS ANGELES, CA – The Hallmark Channel has released its upcoming holiday movie schedule which includes several new holiday movies.


Experts Offer Tips to Keep School Kids Covid-19 Free

ATLANTA, GA – As children across the country return to school concerns of exposure to and spread of COVID-19 have parents worried about their family’s safety.


White people from across the country plan on gathering in Washington, D.C. to protest the decline in their white privilege.

White People Plan Protest to Regain Privilege

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Thousands of middle-aged white people have scheduled a protest next month in Washington, D.C. to bring focus to the diminishing value of their white privilege.


Back to Top