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![The NRA has sent cards to all high school graduates congratulating them on making it through school without getting shot and killed.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/529t.png)
NRA Congratulates High School Grads Who Somehow Made It to Graduation Without Getting Killed
Published April 2024ALEXANDRIA, VA – The National Rifle Association has sent congratulation cards to all graduating, American high school students congratulating them for making it through school without falling victim to gun violence.
![Food companies will have until the end of the year to list the number of child souls used in making the item.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/525t.png)
FDA to Require Companies to Declare if Food Contains Souls of Children
Published April 2024WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a new rule that requires companies to add a statement on product packaging declaring if the souls of children were used in a product.
![Reporter Denise Holman lazily scrolls through Tik Tok as she waits for a new trend to appear.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/513t.png)
Local Reporter Sitting Around Waiting for Next Tik Tok Trend to Appear
Published October 2023PHOENIX, AZ – Local reporter Denise Holman is waiting for the next Tik Tok trend to present itself so she can report on it.
![Jason Strooper has no joy or laughter in his life as he no longer finds Buzzfeed article funny.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/511t.png)
Buzzfeed Article Proves Local Man Has No Joy in His Life
Published September 2023MISSOULA, MT – Thanks to a recent article on the click bait website BuzzFeed, Jason Strooper has realized that he may not have any more joy left in his life.
![Florida textbooks will now state that the Civil War was fought between Pepsi lovers and Coca-Cola lovers.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/506t.png)
New Florida Law Requires Textbooks to State Civil War Was Fought Over Cola Choice
Published September 2023TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida lawmakers have passed a new law that requires all textbooks used by publicly funded schools to be changed to say the American Civil War was fought over the choice of cola drinks.
![Classified documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President Chase Johnson.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/488t.png)
Classified Documents Found at Home of Former Student Council President
Published February 2023CHICAGO, IL – Makar Elementary School officials are calling for an investigation after confidential documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President, Chase Johnson.
![Scott Hackerst is planning on selling a bowling shirt that he got from his uncle.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/457t.png)
Local Man Confident He Can Sell Bowling Shirt for $80
Published January 2022PORTLAND, OR – Local man, Scott Hackerst, is pretty sure he can sell a bowling shirt he found at his uncle’s house for $80.
![Some generic actors star in one of the new Hallmark Channel holiday films.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/449t.png)
Hallmark Channel Releases Seven New Holiday Movies
Published November 2021LOS ANGELES, CA – The Hallmark Channel has released its upcoming holiday movie schedule which includes several new holiday movies.
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Experts Offer Tips to Keep School Kids Covid-19 Free
Published September 2020ATLANTA, GA – As children across the country return to school concerns of exposure to and spread of COVID-19 have parents worried about their family’s safety.
![White people from across the country plan on gathering in Washington, D.C. to protest the decline in their white privilege.](https://thescoopnews.com/news/images/375t.png)
White People Plan Protest to Regain Privilege
Published August 2019WASHINGTON, D.C. – Thousands of middle-aged white people have scheduled a protest next month in Washington, D.C. to bring focus to the diminishing value of their white privilege.
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