Climate Scientists Now Telling People to Work on Their Bucket Lists
Published August 2024 0 Comments | Share:
Climate scientists have stopped warning people about the dangers of climate change and have started telling people to start working on their bucket lists.
WASHINGTON, D.C. – Many leading climate scientists have decided they will stop warning of pending climate catastrophes and will instead suggest everyone “get to work on their bucket list.”
“Enough with all the ‘the world is going to end if we don’t do something’ blah, blah, blah,” said climate specialist, Aiden Rothrok. “Let’s talk about something fun! Let’s talk about bucket lists! Do you have one? You should. You really should. And you should also maybe start on it… get on it really soon. I know am. As soon as we finish up here, I’m going to go sky diving! I’ve been wanting to do it since I was a kid and now, well, no better time than now, right? After that, I’m going to try Lebanese food.”
Leading climate scientist at The Humboldt University of Berlin, Gerten Humboldt, said she is done talking about climate change and will focus on encouraging people to complete their bucket list goals.
“For decades now we have been beating on the same drum, trying to get all people on this planet to realize the irreversible damage we are doing to the planet and how things are going to be very bad for us very soon, but no one gives a… excuse my French, shit anymore,” said Humboldt. “So instead of telling the people that they need to stop using fossil fuels and stop eating meat… we now will tell people get to work on that bucket list. It is sound advice. You never know how much time we have left. It could be 500 years, or it could be November 4th, 2029, at 8:19 am. On a side note, I’m going to go try heroin because it sounds like very much fun.”
Several climate change forums and international meetings have seen the agenda changed from the impacts of climate change to tips for completing bucket list items.
“At this point, it’s really the only thing to do,” said Rothrok. “We tried to get people to fix (the climate) and we all know how well that worked. Now we’re telling people to go out and do all the crazy shit that they’ve always wanted to do, so we’ll see how that goes. We kind of figure that will go over a bit better than being all doom and gloom. Don’t get me wrong, the underlying subtext is very much doom and gloom but at least people will be out there doing things that they’ve always wanted to do.”
The shift in messaging from climate scientists comes after a recent poll that said a majority of people are tired of hearing about climate change.
“It’s all higher temps this and extreme cold that,” said college student, Stu Lebronski. “Like… where’s the good climate news? Sure we know that we all need to stop doing everything that we are doing but… I’m not gonna do that. So maybe climate people just need to start telling us, like, all the good things that are happening with the environment. Maybe they can post some Tik Toks with that Africa song.”
Climate scientists have been issuing warnings about the negative impacts humans are having on the environment since the 1950s.
“At this point everyone knows we are negatively impacting the environment and we are headed for doomsday. We all know that. But no one… no one cares anymore,” said Humboldt. “(Climate scientists) are just realizing that and changing our focus to help people get all their bucket list items done before 2029. Yeah, write that date down. That’s a real good date to remember. Get your list done by 2029.”
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