New Texas Law Makes It Illegal to Remove Truck Nuts from Trucks
Published September 2024 0 Comments | Share:
Soon it will be illegal to remove truck nuts from trucks in Texas.
AUSTIN, TX – The Texas State Legislature has passed a new law making it illegal to remove truck nuts from a truck.
“We’ve addressed Texan’s number one concern today and we have made it illegal to remove truck nuts from trucks,” said Texas Governor, Greg Abbott. “Texas families can be safe now knowing that their truck can’t go to a specialty body shop and get its truck nuts removed. No longer will innocent, sheltered Texans have to live in fear that their truck might not have the truck nuts it used to have.”
Sponsors of the new law say Texans can now be sure that the truck they are riding in is the same gender as “god intended.”
“What we have done here today is to ensure that the truck someone is driving is the same truck gender as when god made it,” said bill sponsor, Arnold Schafer. “I can’t tell how much it disgusts me to see a truck from 2022 without truck nuts. It’s just not natural. But now, we don’t have to worry about that. We will know those trucks are exactly how god made them… with a fake pair of rubber testicles hanging from the bumper.”
The new law was proposed shortly after a video of truck nuts being removed from a California truck went viral.
“It’s just disgusting that you have these so called ‘car doctors’ out there that will take a truck and remove its testicles. The testicles that made it a real truck,” said Dave Abarnathy. “Everyone knows that all trucks are male. There’s no question. So, to come across a truck without nuts is unnatural and un… other stuff. Thinking about all the pain that truck went through when its selfish owner thought that they knew better than the truck. Breaks my dang heart.”
The penalty for removing truck nuts from a truck is $10,000 and a possible jail sentence up to 30 years.
“Yes, the penalties that we set up are fairly extreme, but we need to show the people of Texas that it’s not OK to mess with the nature of things,” said Abarnathy. “There are only two genders when it comes to vehicles; Trucks and not trucks. Trucks have nuts, not trucks don’t. It’s simple, I mean even my five-year-old daughter knows that and she’s dumb as heck.”
Opponents of the new law say that trucks are not assigned truck nuts during manufacturing and only receive truck nuts after they are purchased by a thrice-divorced, white-man with a drinking problem in a sleeveless shirt.
“First of all, there are a lot more important things we should be doing to help Texas families but… I live in Texas, so I guess this is all just what happens here,” said Texas Democrat, Del Regert. “I mean, we could be helping families, helping our schools, or fixing the infrastructure. Nope. We’re pacifying red necks because seeing things that are different is strange and confusing. God forbid that a middle-aged white guy sees something that he doesn’t like. And they call liberals snowflakes.”
To prove that nuts have not been removed from a truck, all trucks must be inspected annually.
“We plan on keeping these records forever, because you never know what’s going to happen,” said Abbot. “Who knows, in a few years some woke libtard from California might move here and buy a truck. They’ll think that they can do whatever they want, but we’ll show them how incredibly backwards this state really is!”
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