NEW YORK, NY – A time-traveling The Rock, whose real name is Dwayne Johnson, appeared in Times Square earlier this week to warn the world about the year 2020.

DALLAS, TX – The Valentine’s Day holiday can cause panic and anxiety for those looking for something original, exciting and romantic to do with their loved one.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Over the last several weeks television networks have started rolling out their Fall schedule.

WASHINGTON, DC – The Federal Food and Drug Administration will begin allowing the use of the drug Flunitrazepam as an anesthetic during surgery. The drug, more commonly referred to as “roofie” will be given to patients hours before surgery, unknowingly, while out having a good time.

ALLENTOWN, PA – Shortly after checking a website his friends suggested, local man, Ryan “Big Red” Centorelli, realized he is a douche bag.

GNOME, AK – Shocking and disturbing news came out of the North Pole this week as a witness stepped forward and exposed the described “hell hole” that is Santa’s Workshop.

ANAHEIM, CA – Last week, Rabbi Jacob Silverman called for a national boycott of Universal Studios and its parent company, Seagram, because of the theme park’s recent addition of the new thrill ride, “Mr. Schindler’s Wild Ride.”