MEMPHIS, TN – An office Christmas party was ruined when an employee brought an expensive bottle of wine to a white elephant gift exchange.

ATLANTA, GA – A large number of people are waiting to get a flu shot until after the Thanksgiving holiday in hopes that they will have an excuse to miss Thanksgiving dinner with their family.

FARGO, ND – In a world where high gas prices are gouging most Americans pocketbooks, one of America’s oldest and proudest professions is struggling to adapt -serial killers.

With gas prices topping five dollars in many states, serial killers are now having to find, kill and bury their victims much closer to home, increasing the risk of being caught by law enforcement.

ASHLAND, KY – Three weeks ago fans and professional baseball players were attacked by a herd of Zombie Unicorns as a publicity stunt went horribly wrong.

TOKYO, JAPAN – In an effort to avoid further public outcry, Godzilla held a press conference earlier this week to deny any involvement in the recent Japanese earthquakes and tsunamis.

“In the weeks since the disaster, my name has been thrown out a lot as being responsible for this terrible, terrible disaster,” said Godzilla.

FLAGSTAFF, AZ – While the Portland Marathon isn’t until next month, local runner, Jassie Hill won’t stop talking about her preparation and training.

BOSTON, MA – After an exhaustive five year study, a research team from Harvard University has been able to prove a link exists between overweight people and an “insane love for food.”

SILVER SPRINGS, MD – Even after 30 years, local atheist Jon Weaver is still complaining about Christmas. Weaver, an atheist since a young age, spends much of his December annoyed by all things Christmas related.

WINSTON FALLS, GA – During a presentation in front of medical industry professionals as well as other physicians, Dr. Greg Shimmer used the phrase “buttock claudication” 17 times causing many members of the audience to become uncomfortable.

LOS ANGELES, CA – In a response to lawsuits filled against music downloaders, one million people filled a joint lawsuit against 200 musicians and several major record labels for breach of contract stating a failure to deliver promised goods. The lawsuit was filled in the Los Angeles County court by a group calling themselves the People Against One-Hit Wonders.