MENLO PARK, CA – Meta has announced a change in the company’s virtual reality strategy which will shift focus to producing a virtual reality for and containing only old, white people.

AMHERST, MA – Local man Aiden Toews has made it clear to all attendees at the party that he is willing to spend several hours explaining why the Beach Boys album Pet Sounds is “the best album ever made.”

HOUSTON, TX- Men’s Warehouse has announced a new line of “executive basketball shorts” the company hopes will appeal to remote workers.

NEW YORK, NY – Companies across the country have been reinstituting Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) campaigns after realizing women and minorities can be paid less than white men.

DETROIT, MI – Local man Eric Blumenthal has changed his political beliefs from Democrat to far right-wing Conservative after receiving some negative feedback on a recent performance review.

MIAMI, FL – The Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse have announced they are reuniting for one final world tour this year.

CHARLOTTE, NC – Local man Terry Cooke, 46, says he has had his childhood ruined 12 to 13 times a day for the past several years.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA –Apple has announced it will soon add new photo filters specifically designed for dick pics.

CHICAGO, IL – In response to complaints about high prices, McDonald’s announced plans to reduce the price of menu items but add new service fees.

LOS ANGELES, CA – The popular dating app Tinder is planning on expanding to a new market by allowing users to list their blood type and organ health within the app.