WASHINGTON, DC – After the positive reactions to the Student Loan Debt cancelation, President Joe Biden announced a new plan to forgive up to $100 in I.O.U.s.

LOS ANGELES, CA – As thousands of students graduate college and move back in with their parents, redecorating tips for basement living spaces has become a popular social media trend.

NEW YORK, NY – The United States of America and the European Union announced drastic new sanctions against Russia as a result of the war in Ukraine. The sanctions will block the import of any pornography from Russia.

HOUSTON, TX – For his New Year’s Resolution, local Man Glenn Ramirez has committed to finishing the jigsaw puzzle he started in 2019.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States of America set a new COVID record as the number of people who claimed the pandemic was a hoax only to then get infected by COVID rose to over two million.

DALLAS, TX – After recent winter storms almost completely destroyed Texas’ power grid, the Texas state government has passed a law requiring all residents to generate their own power.

TAMPA, FL – The National Football League (NFL) announced the theme for this year’s Super Bowl halftime show will be “America” and will feature a large number of white people wandering around “doing whatever they want to do.”

NEW YORK, NY – Pornography website Pornhub has pledged to help fight racism by only offering interracial content.

Hello, hello, HELLOOOOOOOO! Oh. My. GOD. It has been forever! It is I, your bestest friend in all of the deep, dark web – Beth Sinclair!

HILO, HI – Astronomers at the W. M. Keck Observatory have discovered a planet capable of supporting life orbiting a nearby star that humans could “definitely ruin.”