HOLLYWOOD, CA – Responding to critics and increasing pressure from women’s groups, Hollywood studio executives say they will temporarily change many of the decades long practices with regard to women.

DAMASCUS, SYRIA – After suffering a series of recent defeats, the terrorist organization known as Islamic State of Iraq and Syria (ISIS) is looking to re-brand its image in hopes of bringing in new recruits.

According to senior ISIS leaders, recruitment of new members has slowed as the population of men between the ages of 16 and 25 has been depleted.

ALBUQUERQUE, NM – The internet is buzzing after a recent blog post suggested a local 6-year-old predicted the rise of ISIS with a picture drawn three years ago.

MENLO PARK, CA – Just a few short weeks after expanding the test field for its highly anticipated GoogleGlass, Google released details of its next big innovation – the upcoming cock ring including details, price and sale date.

CINCINNATI, OH – Local grandmother has told her family that she just wants a normal Thanksgiving Dinner this year without any “craziness.”

WASHINGTON, DC – With approval from both Congress and the President, The National Security Agency now has access to every American’s permanent school records.

Every student who attended a school in America has a permanent record that contains information on the student including performance and disciplinary issues.

“We’ve been telling kids for generations that their permanent file will come back to haunt them and now it has,” said Department of Education Secretary, Arne Duncan.

DALLAS, TX – The man behind a popular Conservative news blog has announced he has proof that President Barack Obama is planning to “blow up” Heaven.

NEW YORK, NY – Shortly after a list of MC Hammer’s 10 best songs that start with the letter ‘K’ was posted on a blog, all entertainment websites announced they would cease operations and shut down.

FAIRFAX, VA – After receiving tremendous backlash to its response to the Sandy Hook Elementary School shooting late last year, the National Rifle Association has released a new response suggesting that each school in the country should deploy robotic sentry guards.

“We realize that our comments after the Sandy Hook tragedy were not very popular and made (the NRA) look like horrible monsters but that’s not who the NRA is. The NRA cares about guns and people. Not just guns. But mostly guns.”

CHICAGO, IL – In a recent poll of over 25% of the American population, 87% of responders said they think polls are 47% inaccurate.