GAINESVILLE, FL – Researchers at the University of Florida say they have made a breakthrough in the search to understand why white men are compelled to post their thoughts online after they turn 18.

PHOENIX, AZ – Local reporter Denise Holman is waiting for the next Tik Tok trend to present itself so she can report on it.

FULLERTON, CA – Guitar manufacturer Fender will be releasing a new line of guitars designed specifically to sit in the corner of a room during video conference calls.

CINCINNATI, OH – In an effort to appeal to men, Procter & Gamble (P&G) is releasing a new Dawn Dish Soap made specifically for men.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – After months of increasing hate speech on the platform, Twitter has announced it will begin blocking hate speech directed at rich people.

WASHINGTON, DC – After the positive reactions to the Student Loan Debt cancelation, President Joe Biden announced a new plan to forgive up to $100 in I.O.U.s.

PRESCOTT, AZ – A local Republican says he’s getting a bored “constantly owning all the libs” and is considering taking some time off to focus on himself.

TOLEDO, OH – The winner of the recent Mega Millions lottery jackpot said she plans to purchase her very own politician with the winnings.

PORTLAND, OR – The much anticipated and celebrated 900th story published by online satirical magazine The Scoop News, failed to make any positive impressions and left readers across the world concerned about the future of the newspaper

NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has announced that he will no longer accept children’s Christmas lists that contain Ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, or Z-pack.