TORONTO, CANADA – For the 57th consecutive year, the Toronto Maple Leafs will not play in the Super Bowl, frustrating a dedicated and passionate fan base.

PORTLAND, OR – A local 22-year-old woman admits she did not vote in the recent election despite having every intention of doing so.

BELLEVUE, WA – Amazon warehouse workers across the country will be receiving a special bonus this holiday season in the form of one extra adult diaper.

COLUMBUS, OH – The restaurant and sports bar chain Buffalo Wild Wings will be making a major change to all existing locations over the next six months, replacing all chairs and barstools with continuous flow toilets.

LOS ANGELES, CA –With inflation and corporate greed raising costs of most goods, putting together a Halloween costume on a budget is a high priority for many this year.

WASHINGTON, DC – After the positive reactions to the Student Loan Debt cancelation, President Joe Biden announced a new plan to forgive up to $100 in I.O.U.s.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The Bay Area’s hottest new restaurant is making a name for itself in both menu and sustainability by offering only crusts cut from local children’s sandwiches.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A yet to be announced Marvel Studios Disney + series with a female lead is already getting poor reviews on IMDB.com.

PRESCOTT, AZ – A local Republican says he’s getting a bored “constantly owning all the libs” and is considering taking some time off to focus on himself.

NEW YORK, NY – A mixed group of Millennials and Gen-Xers were shocked this week to learn that MTV is still on the air and broadcasting new content.