SPACE, TIME – Earlier this week Father Time responded to reports that he has fathered at least 12 illegitimate children with nine different mothers over the last quarter century by saying simply “Hell no, I ain’t their daddy.”

The reports of Time’s alleged illegitimate children began to surface late last year as two women came forward saying their sons, nine and 14-years-old, were fathered by Time. Over the next three weeks seven more women came forward with similar claims.

“I know he my babies’ daddy. I was only with three guys that week and the others all failed the paternity test,” said Roche’le Jenkins. “I remember the night we hooked up. When he picked me up at the bar he said I was the finest piece of white meat he’d seen this side of Saturn… I didn’t know what that fool was talkin’ ‘bout but he looked rich so I took him back to my place.”

Time has faced similar claims in the past but none of the reported children were proved to be fathered by Time.

“I go through this shit every couple years,” said Time. “Yes I do have a lot of children, but all 2006 of them are accounted for. I’d never cheat on Mother Earth. Besides, do you know what that crazy bitch would do to me if I did cheat on her? Well… needless to say there wouldn’t be any more baby New Years because my testicles would be in a jar somewhere near Detroit.”

Despite Time’s denial, all nine women have filed for child support.

“He’s gotta pay for what he did to me,” said Geena Ray Guero, who claims Time is the father of her seven-year-old Marcus. “Look at him, he looks just like his daddy. That white hair. That long ass beard. Seven-year-olds don’t grow beards like that. But they do if their daddy has a beard like that. Now look, I’m not doing this for anything other than money. I don’t want him to spend any time with Marcus and I sure as hell don’t want to marry that prick. I just want to get paid. I want to be compensated for all the shit I’ve had to put up with by having a kid. The sonofabitch made me miss my prom.”

The television show “Maury” has reportedly approached the women claiming Time is the father of their children asking each to take part in a paternity test show centered on Time. According to the show’s producers, a specimen sample from Time has already been retrieved.

“Look, I’d rather not get into how I got the sample so let’s just leave it at the fact that I got it,” said “Maury” producer Sharron Benter. “The things I’ll do for this show. You don’t see Connie Chung pulling shit like this? And I mean that in a literal sense.”