Reporter Denise Holman lazily scrolls through Tik Tok as she waits for a new trend to appear.

Local Reporter Sitting Around Waiting for Next Tik Tok Trend to Appear

PHOENIX, AZ – Local reporter Denise Holman is waiting for the next Tik Tok trend to present itself so she can report on it.


Zelenskyy Asks Taylor Swift for Help in War Against Russia

KYIV, UKRAINE – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has formally requested military assistance from the world’s largest army – Taylor Swift’s Swifty Army.


Most members of Gen Z are not planning on having children because "fuck that".

Study: Gen Zers Do Not Want Children Because "Fuck That"

PITTSBURGH, PA – A new study out of the University of Pittsburgh shows that a large majority of Generation Z is not planning to have children because “fuck that.”


Florida textbooks will now state that the Civil War was fought between Pepsi lovers and Coca-Cola lovers.

New Florida Law Requires Textbooks to State Civil War Was Fought Over Cola Choice

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida lawmakers have passed a new law that requires all textbooks used by publicly funded schools to be changed to say the American Civil War was fought over the choice of cola drinks.


A research team at Stanford University has found the gene that forces truck owners to back in to parking spots.

Scientists Identify Gene Responsible for Making Truck Owners Back into Parking Spots

STANFORD, CA – Researchers at Stanford University have identified the gene responsible for making Pickup Truck owners back in to parking spaces.


Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley says she is looking forward to losing the nomination to a white man.

GOP Presidential Hopeful Nikki Haley Looking Forward to Losing Nomination to Man

COLUMBIA, SC – Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley says she is looking forward to a long campaign and ultimately losing the nomination to an old, white man later this year.


Local Mother Mentally Preparing Herself for Mother's Day Disappointment

SPOKANE, WA – A local mother has begun preparing herself for the inevitable disappointment of Mother’s Day.


A van is parked outside a mill where teens were arrested for harassment.

Mystery Inc. Teens Arrested for Harassment of Mill Owner

WORCESTER, MA – A group of teenagers has been arrested for the assault and harassment of a local mill owner. The teenagers, who refer to themselves as Mystery, Inc., were also charged with trespassing and possession of controlled substances.


Classified documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President Chase Johnson.

Classified Documents Found at Home of Former Student Council President

CHICAGO, IL – Makar Elementary School officials are calling for an investigation after confidential documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President, Chase Johnson.


Marcus Weeksy's classmates have declared him to be the "luckiest boy in the world."

"Luckiest Boy in the World" Celebrates Christmas, Hanukkah, Kwanza

COSTA MESA, CA – Classmates have declared local boy the “luckiest boy in the world” for celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanza.


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