No Matter What Local Woman Gets for Valentine's Day She Will Not Do the Thing Her Husband Wants Her to Do
Published February 2020SAN ANTONIO, TX – Local woman, Vanessa Perez, told friends that no matter what she gets for Valentine’s Day, she “won’t do that thing” her husband wants her to do.
White House Staff Use Cupcakes to Lure Trump to Meetings
Published October 2019WASHINGTON, D.C. – In order to get President Donald Trump to meetings on time White House staff have been using cupcakes tied to strings to lure him into the correct room at the correct time.
Authorities Investigating Why Ferret Bought 23 Gallons of Chocolate Milk
Published July 2019ORLANDO, FL – Both police and animal control officers are looking in to a recent report that a ferret has purchased over 23 gallons of chocolate milk from a local grocery store.
Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory Spokesbear Diagnosed with Diabetes
Published June 2019DURANGO, CO – The Rocky Mountain Chocolate Factory spokesbear, Truffles, has announced that she has been diagnosed with diabetes due to a decades-long diet comprised almost exclusively of chocolate.
Trump Denies Eating Cookies Despite Crumbs, Chocolate on his Face
Published February 2019WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump says that he did not steal cookies from the cookie jar and he refuses to acknowledge that he currently has crumbs all over his face and desk.
Trump Spent Months Planning Tick-or-Treat Route
Published October 2018WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Trump has spent the last several weeks planning a trick-or-treat route to ensure he gets “only the best” candy on Halloween.
“Trump has made it clear that his number one priority right now is putting together a trick-or-treat route that will ensure he gets good candy, like full candy bars or really expensive candy,” said White House Press Secretary, Sarah Huckabee Sanders.
Man Sues for Invitation to 12-Year-Old Girl’s Sleepover
Published February 2018OMAHA, NB – Local man Dean Waters, 27, is suing 10-year-old Lara Schriber for gender discrimination because Waters was not invited to Schriber’s “girls only” sleepover.
Experts Offer Ten Ideas for the Perfect Valentine’s Day
Published January 2018DALLAS, TX – The Valentine’s Day holiday can cause panic and anxiety for those looking for something original, exciting and romantic to do with their loved one.
Next Year’s Top Five U.S. Vacation Spots
Published August 2014I’m here today to give you my picks for the best vacation spots here in the good ol’ US of A.
Costume Fails To Garner Attention
Published February 2009DENTON, IL – Much like every year, Mike Ballard’s Halloween costume failed to get him any action. This year, dressed as an Oompa Loompa from the original Charlie and the Chocolate Factory movie, Ballard didn’t even talk to a female he entire night.