WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have proposed changes to the funding of the infrastructure bill.

MILWAUKEE, WI – Bill Gates addressed the conspiracy theories about the presence of microchips in COVID-19 vaccines by saying people are missing the positive aspects of the hypothetical implanted microchips.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Sandra Day O’Connor posted a tweet yesterday that may or may not have been a dig at former pal Madeleine Albright.

ORLANDO, FL – The crowd gathered outside the Orlando Metro Promenade remained indifferent to the hype man hired by Hot Streak nightclub to draw in customers.

NEW YORK CITY – The travel magazine, Destination Awesome, has released its list of the top five 2015 Spring Break destinations.

CHICAGO, IL — Over the past years Consumer Reports has provided parents with a valuable list: the hottest toys for the upcoming Holiday season. Retailers across the country often stock up on the highlighted toys in order to satisfy the anticipated high demand and hopefully minimize the violent incidents that have happened in the past between crazed parents.

WASHINGTON, DC – After two years of informal classification and diagnosis, the American Psychiatric Association has added a new mental disorder to the Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders – White Male Panic, or WhiMP.

“Let’s face facts, white men are going crazy, in the clinical sense, all over this country,” said APA President Suzanne Bennett Johnson, PhD.

WASHINGTON, DC – The Supreme Court is all set to wrap up their judicial year with what many are calling “the case of the century” – Frantz v. Byrne.

The case was brought to the Supreme Course by former Talking Heads drummer Chris Frantz who is suing former Talking Heads lead singer David Byrne. The intent of the suit is to force Byrne to reform Talking Heads so that Frantz, and other former members of the band can “get paid.”

LOS ANGELES, CA – With Halloween right around the corner, costume shops all across the country are stocking up on what are anticipated to be this year’s most popular costumes.

ARLINGTON, VA – A local man has admitted that he is responsible for a string of recent natural disasters on the East Coast.

Shawn “Tibby” Clarke says that several natural disasters have occurred almost immediately after his failure to keep promises he made to God.

“Yeah man, I’m sho dat earthquake ‘n hurricane bullshit that all went down last month was my fault,” said Clarke.