SEATTLE, WA – A wealthy, retired, local man thinks someone needs to do something about the homeless issues affecting the city.

PORTLAND, OR – Local man David Ono has sent another email reminding his coworkers about Ono’s band’s upcoming show.

RICHMOND, KY – Local man Jason Newtbury is upset that he does not find the lead actress of a popular show “hot” and is vowing to boycott the show until the actress is replaced with someone Newtbury finds attractive.

LAS VEGAS, NV – A recent organizational change to a Trader Joe’s grocery store caused local man Jason Wedgewood to stand just inside the store’s front doors and complain, loudly, for 20 minutes.

BELLINGHAM, WA – A local man has ruined Karaoke night at a popular bar by singing a “total bummer of a song.”

AMHERST, MA – Local man Aiden Toews has made it clear to all attendees at the party that he is willing to spend several hours explaining why the Beach Boys album Pet Sounds is “the best album ever made.”

DETROIT, MI – Local man Eric Blumenthal has changed his political beliefs from Democrat to far right-wing Conservative after receiving some negative feedback on a recent performance review.

CHARLOTTE, NC – Local man Terry Cooke, 46, says he has had his childhood ruined 12 to 13 times a day for the past several years.

SEATTLE, WA – A local Tesla owner, Mike Velenski, spent a large portion of recent holiday parties explaining to family and coworkers that he purchased the vehicle before finding out Elon Musk is a complete dipshit.

LINCOLN, NE – Local man, Dean Jeffries, is looking forward to sharing his thoughts and views on the Israel-Hamas war with his coworkers at the upcoming office holiday party.