Avon will be releasing a new face cream called Crem De La BlaqueFace that the company says will moisturize and protect the face and it's not racist.

Avon Releasing New BlaqueFace Face Cream

LONDON, ENGLAND – Avon Products will be launching a new line of daily use face creams, called Crem De La BlaqueFace next month.


Thinking England does not have gasoline, President Trump says he will export gasoline to England as “they only have petrol.”

Unaware Petrol is Gasoline Trump Plans to Export Gas to England

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Fresh from a visit to London, President Donald Trump made the surprise announcement that the United States will export gasoline to England as he was made aware England uses petrol rather than gasoline.


Local Man Won’t Stop Talking About “Doctor Who”

AUSTIN, TX – Local man Justin Neeley will not stop talking about the television show “Doctor Who” despite the fact his friends and family are no longer willing to listen to him.


USA Snowboarder Reilly Webber will spend the next several days learning how to pretend to be an actual athlete.

Olympic Snowboarders Pretend They are Real Athletes

BOULDER, CO – Snowboarders around the world are getting ready to pretend they are actual athletes as they prepare for next month’s Winter Olympics.


Local Woman Makes National Tragedy All About Her

GREEN BAY, WI – A local woman told coworkers that she is lucky to be alive as she had considered running a marathon and that marathon could have been the marathon in Boston that suffered a terrorist attack.


Cute Little Puppy Takes Over as New BP CEO

LONDON, ENGLAND – Faced with a public relations nightmare after an oil rig exploded killing 11 and causing millions of barrels of oil to leak into the Gulf of Mexico, BP has replaced its CEO with Buttons, a Black Labrador puppy.

The move comes only weeks after former CEO Tony Hayward stepped down following the Gulf of Mexico disaster. Hayward was replaced by Bob Dudley, who in turn has been replaced by Buttons.


Jesus Christ Postpones Second Coming For 11th Time

LONDON, ENGLAND – Jesus Christ, religious figurehead for millions, will not be returning to Earth this month as was previously scheduled. This latest announcement marks the 11th time Christ has postponed his return to Earth in the past 200 years.


Millions of Rabbits Gather to Celebrate Death of Their Savior

LONDON – Rabbits all over the world will celebrate the life and death of their lord and savior, Peter Cottontail, this month with a massive gathering in a farm just outside of London.


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