700,00 Netflix Users Locked Out after Grandma Changes Password
Published August 2019PORTLAND, OR – Netflix users suffered a major blackout after a grandmother in Michigan changed her password, locking over 720,000 people out of Netflix.
Authorities Investigating Why Ferret Bought 23 Gallons of Chocolate Milk
Published July 2019ORLANDO, FL – Both police and animal control officers are looking in to a recent report that a ferret has purchased over 23 gallons of chocolate milk from a local grocery store.
Poor Rating May Force Networks to Cancel The Donald Trump Presidency
Published January 2019WASHINGTON, D.C. – If ratings don’t improve network executives say they may be forced to cancel The Donald Trump Presidency.
Trump Scratches at the Wall for Over an Hour
Published August 2017WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Donald Trump has been standing at the wall of the Oval Office for over an hour scratching at a spot on the wall.
“You see this, this is unbelievable,” said Trump. “How can something like this happen? I’m the greatest President in the history of the world. Look at this office. No one has ever decorated it like I have. I’ve got pictures of my daughter, who is insanely beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, and that’s because my genes are so incredible. Look at her. Just look at her. Just… her."
“You see this, this is unbelievable,” said Trump. “How can something like this happen? I’m the greatest President in the history of the world. Look at this office. No one has ever decorated it like I have. I’ve got pictures of my daughter, who is insanely beautiful. Probably the most beautiful woman in the entire universe, and that’s because my genes are so incredible. Look at her. Just look at her. Just… her."
Republicans Condemn 4th Grader’s Science Project
Published March 2014WASHINGTON, DC – Republican members of congress have condemned a science project from 4th grader Jakob Bistrup that hypothesizes too much heat and not enough water can kill plants.
“(Bistrup’s science project) is just another example of junk science that democrats are trying to convince us all that it’s true so they can shut down all our cars and coal factories,” said Republican Senator, Ron Nillwest of Iowa.
Blogger Says Obama Wants to Bomb Heaven
Published April 2013DALLAS, TX – The man behind a popular Conservative news blog has announced he has proof that President Barack Obama is planning to “blow up” Heaven.
Hot Girls to Replace Alter Boys in Catholic Mass
Published April 2010VATICAN CITY – In an effort to prevent further molestation of young boys by priests in the Catholic Church, the Pope has announced a change to the way mass will be conducted. Young boys will no longer participate in mass and in their place priests will use young, attractive women.
“There willa be ah no morea alter boys inna the church,” said Cardinal Antonio Cassius of Italy.
New Blackberry expected to Revolutionize Industry
Published May 2009TORONTO, CANADA – The Canadian based Research in Motion is set to unveil its next generation Blackberry next month and the cell phone industry is abuzz with the limited information that’s been made available.
Giant Laser Found On Mars, Pointed At Earth
Published February 2007WASHINGTON, DC – Scientists in Washington, DC made a surprising discovery last month that has forced the world to reconsider its stance on global warming. What the scientist discovered appears to be a giant laser on the surface of Mars pointed directly at earth.
NASA Sending Stars To Mars
Published January 2004WASHINGTON, DC – Riding both the highs and lows of landing two separate spacecraft on the surface of Mars, NASA announced this week that a manned expedition to the red planet will begin preparations later this year for lift off in 2006. To increase visibility and public support, several celebrities have been chosen to man the first mission to Mars.
