Winston (above) and Joshua Castellino have not been invited to a party or family event in over a year.

Local Ventriloquist No Longer Invited to Parties

LAKEWOOD, CO – Local ventriloquist, Joshua Castellino, is no longer invited to parties due to refusal to leave his dummy, Winston, at home.


Fans Demand Director’s Cut Release of Pornhub video

HOLLYWOOD, CA – After a successful campaign to convince HBO to release the “Snyder cut” of “Justice League,” fans have started a similar campaign for the release of the director’s cut of the Pornhub video “Step sister alseep on couch BBC surprise DVDA”.


Bill Gates says people should focus on the good aspects of being implanted with a microchip rather than worrying about the presence of a microchip.

Gates Suggests People Focus on Positive Impacts to Possible Microchips in COVID Vaccines

MILWAUKEE, WI – Bill Gates addressed the conspiracy theories about the presence of microchips in COVID-19 vaccines by saying people are missing the positive aspects of the hypothetical implanted microchips.


To make sure President Trump is where he needs to be, White House staffers have begun using a cupcake tied to a string to lure him the right place at the right time.

White House Staff Use Cupcakes to Lure Trump to Meetings

WASHINGTON, D.C. – In order to get President Donald Trump to meetings on time White House staff have been using cupcakes tied to strings to lure him into the correct room at the correct time.


President Trump has signed an order to ensure all donuts do not have a whole.

Trump Signs Order to Keep Donuts Whole

WASHINGTON, D.C. – A new Executive Order has been signed by President Trump making it illegal for businesses to sell donuts with holes in the middle.
“We are getting ripped off with our donuts. We always have been. It’s Obama’s fault. And Crooked Hillary. And also the fake news media,” said Trump.


Online Reviewer Close to Completing Next Yelp Review

BROOKLYN, NY – It’s been nearly three days since he ate lunch at Ravenwood Tavern, but Tearstin Wilkes says he is close to completing his Yelp review of the restaurant.


Guy In the Cube Over There Has a Great Idea for an App

SALEM, OR – The man a couple cubes down is stating that he has a great idea for a mobile application that will make him millions of dollars.


Group of Pedophiles to Help Find Missing Nigerian Girls

ABUJA, Nigeria – In what is being seen by many as a “last ditch effort” to find the kidnapped Nigerian schoolgirls, the United States has committed a new group to aid in finding the young girls.


David Copperfield has been called in for questioning regarding missing Malaysian Air Flight 370.

Copperfield Questioned About Missing Plane

KUALA LUMPUR, MALAYSIA – Having exhausted all other possible leads, Malaysian officials have brought in magician David Copperfield for questioning about the missing Malaysia Airlines Flight 370.

“I remember seeing him one time make a plane disappear when I was a kid and he may have do it again,” said Malaysia Prime Minister, Najib Tun Razak. “Maybe (Copperfield) made plane disappear and now he ca not remember how to get it back since he is old now.”


CNN has reluctantly switched from never ending coverage of the missing flight 370 to the never ending coverage of a boy's missing bike.

CNN Switches Coverage from Missing Plane to Missing Bike

ATLANTA, GA – CNN has reluctantly switched their 24-hour news coverage away from the missing Malaysian Flight 370 to the developing story of a child who may or may not have lost his bicycle.


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