WASHINGTON, D.C. – If ratings don’t improve network executives say they may be forced to cancel The Donald Trump Presidency.

CLEVELAND, OH – With ratings falling for the fourth consecutive year, the National Basketball Association has announced that it will make sweeping changes to how games are played beginning next season.

Perhaps the biggest change will be to the overall structure of the game. Instead of four 12-minute quarters, an NBA basketball game will last five minutes with each team starting at 98 points.
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“In recent years, (the last five minutes ) is the only part of the game that people actually watch,” said NBA Commissioner Adam Silver.

ATLANTA, GA – CNN has reluctantly switched their 24-hour news coverage away from the missing Malaysian Flight 370 to the developing story of a child who may or may not have lost his bicycle.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Over the last several weeks television networks have started rolling out their Fall schedule.

SEATTLE, WA – With the enormous success of the video game Rock Band, MTV Games has announced plans to extend the video game line with the addition of at least two news games scheduled to release this yea

WASHINGTON, D.C. – With less than a month left in his term as President of the United States, George W. Bush has admitted that he has “a severe case of senioritis.”

ATHENS, GREECE – After experiencing one of the lowest TV ratings ever with this year’s Winter Olympic Games, members of the International Olympic Committee, IOC, have come up with ways to make the next Olympic Games appeal more to today’s reality show audiences.

WASHINGTON D.C – With President Bush’s approval rating at an all time low, the White House unveiled a new method for acquiring the approval rating during a press conference earlier this week.

HOLLYWOOD, CA – Amid several high profile “lapses in tasteful programming,” the FCC announced Tuesday that it will be tightening restrictions starting with this year’s batch of Holiday themed specials. The announcement comes just weeks after ABC’s use of a half naked women on Monday Night Football to advertise one of the channel’s other shows.

WASHINGTON, DC – Riding both the highs and lows of landing two separate spacecraft on the surface of Mars, NASA announced this week that a manned expedition to the red planet will begin preparations later this year for lift off in 2006. To increase visibility and public support, several celebrities have been chosen to man the first mission to Mars.