HOLLYWOOD, CA – With Fall settling over North America, television networks have begun rolling out their Fall lineups, offering new shows and reboots of past shows.

LOUISVILLE, KY – A Public Relations spokesman for KFC confirmed rumors that company scientists are working to genetically engineer an all-skin chicken for the fast food chain.

TAMPA, FL –Republican Presidential Nominee Mitt Romney said Thursday that the real reason he has not released his past tax information is because his tax records contain the Anti-Life Equation.

“Believe me, I want to release the information, but if I were to do so, that would pretty much mean the end of life as we know it,” Romney said.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – As the Republicans begins picking their Presidential candidate, one person is very rapidly becoming the front-runner: the Roman god of wealth.

IMPERIAL CENTER, CORUSCANT – The Galactic Empire is reeling after the release of several sensitive documents on the website Wikileaks including plans and defense systems of the Death Star space station.

“(The leaking of sensitive information) is something that I never foresaw,” said Emperor Palpatine. “Never did I feel that a betrayal like this would occur. The Dark Side is strong, but not strong enough to see this coming.”

VIRGINIA BEACH – VA – Leaders of the Tea Party movement have announced that they are continuing to pretend that they dislike President Obama purely on political terms.

CHICAGO, IL – A recent article in The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) has provided the clearest link between the rise of MRSA infections and the increase in popularity of Justin Bieber.

BETHESDA, MD – At a rally just outside of Bethesda, Jesus Christ announced to a gathered crowd of more than 35,000 that he wants the recently passed Health Care Reform legislation repealed.
“This so-called ‘health reform’ is illegal and un-American,” said Christ. “Obama and his team of communists have forced health care down our throats. This isn’t what I teach!”

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Five years ago the world became embroiled in a new war, one that has divided the world, especially the United States, along religious lines. That war is the War Against Christmas.
The war started simply enough – with one person trying to be considerate and another being a complete and total asshole.

TEHRAN, IRAN – In an effort to improve its image with the rest of the global community, Iran has announced plans to make several modifications to its current government policies.