HEAVEN – After returning from vacation and seeing the state of Earth, God has promised to never again put his kids in charge while he is away.

CINCINNATI, OH – Procter & Gamble has released a new version of the Swiffer Sweeper that attaches to small animals and will allow customers to use their pets to clean floors.

NORTH POLE – Santa Claus has announced that he will no longer accept children’s Christmas lists that contain Ivermectin, hydroxychloroquine, or Z-pack.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A local Pasadena man is still wearing a fedora hat in publi

NEW YORK, NY – Former superhero and the smartest man in the world, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, admitted to engineering and releasing the COVID-19 virus in an effort to bring the people of earth together.

LAKEWOOD, CO – Local ventriloquist, Joshua Castellino, is no longer invited to parties due to refusal to leave his dummy, Winston, at home.

NASHVILLE, TN – A new online support group has been launched to help Republicans find music made by artists that align with current Republican values.

The coworkers of Ben Magnerson still do not want to hear about Magnerson’s Dungeons and Dragons game.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local Tesla owner, Jacob Gregory, has successfully worked the fact that he owns a Tesla into every conversation he’s had since purchasing the vehicle in late 2020.

CHICAGO, IL – Local software developer Andre Flutroe, 29, says he has become concerned about his increasing desire to purchase a pair of flip-flops sandals.