NEW YORK, NY – Following the success of the “Manning Cast” for NFL games, ESPN will be launching a new live commentary option for professional sporting events featuring drunk, racist uncles.

LOS ANGELES, CA – The Hallmark Channel has released its upcoming holiday movie schedule which includes several new holiday movies.

WINTERLAND – Old Man Winter’s family and friends are concerned that his recent erratic behavior may be due to cognitive decline or drug abuse.

NEW YORK, NY – The National Football League has launched a new campaign called “Don’t Be a Pussy” aimed at promoting good mental health among men.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Beginning next month, Facebook will begin offering degree and postgraduate degree programs to Facebook users.

TOKYO, JAPAN – The ongoing COVID-19 pandemic has forced the International Olympic Committee to make several changes to events of this year’s Summer Olympic Games to accommodate athletes COVID-19 related symptoms.

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – Local Tesla owner, Jacob Gregory, has successfully worked the fact that he owns a Tesla into every conversation he’s had since purchasing the vehicle in late 2020.

LOS ANGELES, CA – Beginning this month, several prominent restaurant chains will begin serving children meals that come half-eaten.

NEW YORK, NY – In advance of Valentine’s Day, Pfizer has released a new double-sided COVID-19 vaccination needle that will allow a couple to vaccinate each other at the same time.

WASHINGTON, DC – After losing the Presidential election, by a considerable margin, Donald Trump has begun hiding from staff in the White House in a desperate attempt to remain President.