DETROIT, MI – After failing to make the first Super Bowl appearance in the team’s history, the Detroit Loins have announced a blockbuster trade – sending wide receiver Josh Reynolds to New York for rapper and singer Nicki Minaj.

PITTSBURGH, PA – A new study out of the University of Pittsburgh shows that a large majority of Generation Z is not planning to have children because “fuck that.”

SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The Bay Area’s hottest new restaurant is making a name for itself in both menu and sustainability by offering only crusts cut from local children’s sandwiches.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A local Pasadena man is still wearing a fedora hat in publi

CHICAGO, IL – In a new survey of children ages five to 15, a majority of children said they wanted to be an NFT when they grow up.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States of America set a new COVID record as the number of people who claimed the pandemic was a hoax only to then get infected by COVID rose to over two million.

KANSAS CITY, MO – Local woman Sandra Gow says that she isn’t sure she is “up for 2020.”

ORLANDO, FL – Both police and animal control officers are looking in to a recent report that a ferret has purchased over 23 gallons of chocolate milk from a local grocery store.

WASHINGTON, DC – The United States Government has announced a Black Friday sale where parts of the government will be available for purchase at sharply reduced prices.

KANSAS CITY, KS – A newly implemented dress code has forced local developer Curt Dressop to dress like an adult.