ESPN Launches New DRUncle Cast for NFL Games
Published January 2022NEW YORK, NY – Following the success of the “Manning Cast” for NFL games, ESPN will be launching a new live commentary option for professional sporting events featuring drunk, racist uncles.
New MLB Rule: Yankees Automatically Qualify for Playoffs
Published October 2021NEW YORK, NY – Although the playoffs are still underway, Major League Baseball announced a rule change this week that will ensure the New York Yankees automatically make the playoffs.
NFL Launches “Don’t Be a Pussy” Men’s Mental Health Campaign
Published October 2021NEW YORK, NY – The National Football League has launched a new campaign called “Don’t Be a Pussy” aimed at promoting good mental health among men.
Amazon Assures Fans New Lord of the Rings Series Will Have Extreme Violence, Nudity, Incest
Published September 2021NEW YORK, NY – Amazon has released a statement assuring subscribers that the upcoming Lord of the Rings series will contain the amount of violence, nudity, and incest that fantasy television viewers have become accustomed to in recent years.
Adrian Veidt Admits Plan to Unify Humanity by Releasing COVID-19 has Failed
Published August 2021NEW YORK, NY – Former superhero and the smartest man in the world, Adrian Veidt, also known as Ozymandias, admitted to engineering and releasing the COVID-19 virus in an effort to bring the people of earth together.
Pfizer Releases Double-sided Valentine's Day COVID Vaccine
Published January 2021NEW YORK, NY – In advance of Valentine’s Day, Pfizer has released a new double-sided COVID-19 vaccination needle that will allow a couple to vaccinate each other at the same time.
To Help Fight Racism Pornhub Will Soon Only Offer Interracial Videos on Site
Published December 2020NEW YORK, NY – Pornography website Pornhub has pledged to help fight racism by only offering interracial content.
Future Version of The Rock Appears to Warn World of 2020
Published November 2020NEW YORK, NY – A time-traveling The Rock, whose real name is Dwayne Johnson, appeared in Times Square earlier this week to warn the world about the year 2020.
Trump Hiding from Staff in White House
Published December 2020WASHINGTON, DC – After losing the Presidential election, by a considerable margin, Donald Trump has begun hiding from staff in the White House in a desperate attempt to remain President.
Actors Who've Played Doctors or Nurses Called To Help with Treating COVID-19 Patients
Published March 2020NEW YORK, NY – Facing an overworked healthcare system due to the COVID-19 pandemic, the Centers for Disease Control and Prevention is calling on any actor or actress that has ever appeared in a movie, TV show, or play as a medical professional to report to their closest hospital to treat patients.