Sodomy Legal: Nation Celebrates

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WASHINGTON, D.C. – On the last day of session last month, the United States Supreme Court ruled against laws restricting sodomy, or as it is more commonly known, butt fucking, causing wide celebrations across the country. Mile long parades and all night parties were held in San Francisco, Miami and Salt Lake City to celebrate the courts decision.

“This is the happiest day of my life,” said Salt Lake City resident Jason Strew. “I can’t wait to get home. The whole time we’ve been married my wife’s been saying ‘we can’t it’s illegal.’ Now she has no excuse, and she’s so gonna get it tonight! And if I get there early enough, I might be the first to give it to her.”

Long seen as inappropriate, state sodomy laws were strict but seldom enforced.

“I don’t see why (buttfucking) was ever such a big deal,” stated Shirley MacLemore a female escort in Greenfalls, LA. “Hell I like it in the ass. It feels more natural and plus you can hardly see the warts from that end. Now, with the new rules, my tricks don’t feel so scared to ask for it… cus it’s legal now. That kinda sucks, cus I used to be able to charge a little extra. Now its no different from your everyday blow job or Cleveland Steamer.”

While the overturning of buttfucking laws is held as a victory in gay and lesbian rights, heterosexuals, especially senior citizens, are as excited by the new freedom. Within hours of the announcement it was reported that the senior citizens on the cruise ship Triumph, sailing off the coast of Florida, retreated to their rooms to engage in the “forbidden hello.”

“I waited a long time for this,” said Triumph passenger Bernie Masterson. “Back in WWII I got a little taste of the ass while stationed in the South Pacific. Those island girls, they were crazy. Loved cock… loved it right up the poopshoot. Anyway, you can’t imagine how upset I was to find out that I couldn’t hump my own wife like I did all those hookers. The government really doesn’t have a right to tell you where you can’t stick your dick. Unless you are a homosexual. Then the government should lock you away. Ass sex is good between a man and woman, but not between two men. Trust me, I know.”

The decision to strike down laws against buttfucking was unanimous and after the vote was final, several of the Justices hurried home to be with their spouse.

“This is not just a good day for gays, it’s a good day for Americans.” Said Justice Anthony Kennedy. “Ass fucking is something that we have for too long gone without. The last several years, like those last years of prohibition, we saw an increasing number of illegal ass fucking rings and speak easies where ass fucking could be done away from the prying eyes of the law. That kind of scene helped to promote dangerous and sometimes violent acts. Making ass fucking legal will stop the violence and make the people of this country much happier… especially the men, both gay and straight.”

Several other sexual related topics are to be heard this year by the Supreme Court including bestiality, domination and Cleveland Steamers.

“I am so close to having my teenage dream come true I can’t believe it. The Supreme Court is proving to me what a great country America really is. I just can’t wait until December when I should legally be able to have my dog rape me wearing a leather mask. Goddamn… I’m getting all giddy just thinking about it,” said businessman Ernie Fowler.

In the Mid-West, where bestiality is commonplace, the prospect of relaxed legislation is fully supported.

“I hate to arrest these guys all the time for letter horses… well, you know. At least now I can let them go with one ticket instead of two,” said local Police Chief Brian Taylor. “But until a man and a sheep can lay together legally, I will have to arrest people. I mean lord knows we have all thought about it but that’s what separates us from the animals… laws.”

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