A Republican Senate candidate uses GOPnlyFans to chat with donors.

Republicans Turn to GOPnlyFans to Raise Funds for Election

WASHINGTON, D.C. –Republicans running for seats in the Senate and House of Representatives have turned to a new website to help in fundraising efforts – GOPnlyFans.


Food companies will have until the end of the year to list the number of child souls used in making the item.

FDA to Require Companies to Declare if Food Contains Souls of Children

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The United States Food and Drug Administration (FDA) has issued a new rule that requires companies to add a statement on product packaging declaring if the souls of children were used in a product.


Kentucky Senate passed a law that will make it illegal for a trans woman to give a man an erection.

Kentucky Passes Law to Stop Trans Women from Giving Men Erections

FRANKFORT, KY – The Kentucky Senate has passed a new bill making it illegal for trans women to give men erections.


Florida textbooks will now state that the Civil War was fought between Pepsi lovers and Coca-Cola lovers.

New Florida Law Requires Textbooks to State Civil War Was Fought Over Cola Choice

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida lawmakers have passed a new law that requires all textbooks used by publicly funded schools to be changed to say the American Civil War was fought over the choice of cola drinks.


Local Mother Mentally Preparing Herself for Mother's Day Disappointment

SPOKANE, WA – A local mother has begun preparing herself for the inevitable disappointment of Mother’s Day.


Florida Changing State Motto to "White Place, White Time"

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida Governor Ron DeSantis has announced a change to Florida’s state motto. As of March 1, 2023, the new Florida state motto will be “White Place, White Time.”


Biden Announces I.O.U. Forgiveness Program

WASHINGTON, DC – After the positive reactions to the Student Loan Debt cancelation, President Joe Biden announced a new plan to forgive up to $100 in I.O.U.s.


A new law in Texas will make it illegal to make a white man feel uncomfortable.

Texas Law Makes It Illegal to Make a White Man Uncomfortable

AUSTIN, TX – Texas Governor Greg Abbott has signed a new law that makes it illegal to make a white man feel uncomfortable in any way.


Country singer Glenn Coventry's album sales are not meeting expectations.

Country Singer Considering Using N-word to Boost Album Sales

NASHVILLE, TN – Country singer Glenn Coventry is considering posting a video of himself using the N-word to boost record sales for his new album.


To save money and food, restaurants will soon begin serving meals to children that have already been half eaten.

Restaurants to Server Half Eaten Meals to Children

LOS ANGELES, CA – Beginning this month, several prominent restaurant chains will begin serving children meals that come half-eaten.


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