KHARTOUM, SUDAN–The people of Sudan say they are looking forward to the pending influx of free Stanley cups as the popularity of the large travel cups has begun to subside in the United States of America.

COSTA MESA, CA – Classmates have declared local boy the “luckiest boy in the world” for celebrating Christmas, Hanukkah, and Kwanza.

PORTLAND, OR – Netflix users suffered a major blackout after a grandmother in Michigan changed her password, locking over 720,000 people out of Netflix.

SCHAUMBURG, IL – Local grandmother has been sitting at her computer for several hours trying to generate a Thanksgiving inspired Facebook post.

ATLANTA, GA – The internet has been going crazy with speculation that Ya Lun, a Giant Panda at the Atlanta Zoo, may hold the key to faster-than-light (FTL) space travel.

TUCSON, AZ – The lack of an iPad gift this year has proved to local seven-year-old Gracie Martinez that Jesus doesn’t exist and that there is no such thing as god.

NEW YORK CITY – Just two days after announcing that it will drop its current and most successful ad campaign, Taco Bell has announced that the famous “Taco Bell Chihuahua” will be gone from commercials and promotions but will soon be even closer to America’s hearts.