ATLANTA, GA – As children across the country return to school concerns of exposure to and spread of COVID-19 have parents worried about their family’s safety.

KANSAS CITY, MO – Local woman Sandra Gow says that she isn’t sure she is “up for 2020.”

WASHINGTON, DC – Several phsyicians have proposed a sweeping review of all medical procedure names with the possibility of renaming those procedures to “something a little happier.”

ASHLAND, KY – Three weeks ago fans and professional baseball players were attacked by a herd of Zombie Unicorns as a publicity stunt went horribly wrong.

CHICAGO, IL – A recent article in The Journal of the American Medical Association (JAMA) has provided the clearest link between the rise of MRSA infections and the increase in popularity of Justin Bieber.

NEW ORLEANS, LA – American fast food company Long John Silver’s has secured exclusive fishing rights in the Gulf of Mexico as it hopes to capitalize on the recent oil spill. The company is hoping to both make a substantial profit from “already oiled fish” and perhaps remove the oil from the water.
“What we have here is an amazing opportunity,” said Long John Silver’s president Walter Johnson.

COLUMBIA, SC – Manufacturers of a new foot-care product are hoping to revolutionize the Podiatric Medicine industry with the launch of the PediFile.

BOSTON, MA – After an exhaustive five year study, a research team from Harvard University has been able to prove a link exists between overweight people and an “insane love for food.”

NEW YORK, NY – With grocery stores and fast food restaurants catering to America’s new diet trend, a group of three New York models are marketing a new diet which the models say “will revolutionize weight loss as we know it.”

BATON ROUGE, LA – In a study released last week, the New England Journal of Medicine revealed that women would be capable of accomplishing more both in the home and in the office if they only “kept their mouths shut.”