WASHINGTON D.C., – Although severe cases and hospitalizations have decreased in recent months, scientists are the Center for Disease Control (CDC) say that COVID is still a valid excuse to not see relatives at Thanksgiving.

KYIV, UKRAINE – Ukrainian President Volodymyr Zelenskyy has formally requested military assistance from the world’s largest army – Taylor Swift’s Swifty Army.

TALLAHASSEE, FL – Florida lawmakers have passed a new law that requires all textbooks used by publicly funded schools to be changed to say the American Civil War was fought over the choice of cola drinks.

COLUMBIA, SC – Republican presidential candidate Nikki Haley says she is looking forward to a long campaign and ultimately losing the nomination to an old, white man later this year.

BOGOTA, COLOMBIA – In an effort to draw tourists to the country, Columbia will open it’s first ski resort featuring cocaine rather than snow.

CHICAGO, IL – Makar Elementary School officials are calling for an investigation after confidential documents were found under the bed of former Student Council President, Chase Johnson.

WASHINGTON, DC – After the positive reactions to the Student Loan Debt cancelation, President Joe Biden announced a new plan to forgive up to $100 in I.O.U.s.

LOS ANGELES, CA – A yet to be announced Marvel Studios Disney + series with a female lead is already getting poor reviews on IMDB.com.

NEW YORK, NY – The United States of America and the European Union announced drastic new sanctions against Russia as a result of the war in Ukraine. The sanctions will block the import of any pornography from Russia.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Chinese government is definitely not censoring or influencing this article which is about Taiwan.