RICHMOND, KY – Local man Jason Newtbury is upset that he does not find the lead actress of a popular show “hot” and is vowing to boycott the show until the actress is replaced with someone Newtbury finds attractive.

NEW YORK, NY – Companies across the country have been reinstituting Diversity, Equity, and Inclusion (DEI) campaigns after realizing women and minorities can be paid less than white men.

FLAGSTAFF, AZ– Northern Arizona University (NAU) has announced a new degree program which it hopes will attract new students – Meth Sommelier.

LOS ANGELES, CA – OnlyFans subscribers are feeling the impact of inflation as the amount of content they receive for their subscriptions has decreased.

NEW YORK, NY – Amazon has released a statement assuring subscribers that the upcoming Lord of the Rings series will contain the amount of violence, nudity, and incest that fantasy television viewers have become accustomed to in recent years.

WASHINGTON, D.C. –The National Police Union has approved new white, robe-like police uniforms that will demonstrate a “commitment to peace and harmony”.

DALLAS, TX – The Stevenson family Christmas photo was ruined by the presence of an ugly baby.

MIDDLETOWN, NJ – Former heavy metal guitarist, Ken “Blood Face” Giacomo, has been updating his Linkdin profile for several days but has been struggling to include his experience as a musician.

MANCHESTER, NH –William “Dow” Jones announced that he is coming out of a month’s long depression and plans to “get really, really high” soon.

SAN JOSE, CA – Local Jewish boy James Kirkwood has been struggling to explain to his Christian friends why Hanukkah is better than Christmas.