Five Ways to Tell If You Are Addicted to Your Phone
Published June 2019SAN FRANCISCO, CA – As smartphones have become an increasingly important part of our lives some experts are growing concerned we may be developing an addicted to our phones.
Apple Pulls Measure App After Men Complain About Penis Size
Published September 2018CUPERTINO, CA – Apple has pulled its new Measure app from iPhones and iPads after thousands of men complain the app does not accurately measure the length of their penises.
Life Pro Tips for Kicking off the New Year Right
Published December 2014This year, instead of making resolutions that are bound to fail, I’ve put together some life hacks that are easy to stick to and will make you a better person.
Anti-iPhone Sentiment Prematurely Ends Relationship
Published October 2012SAN FRANCISCO, CA – The budding romantic relationship between Eddie Freirs and Rebecca Staller ended abruptly last week after Staller revealed her feelings about the iPhone.
iPhone, User Combine to Form First iBorg
Published January 2012CUPERTINO, CA – Apple executives have confirmed that an iPhone has finally integrated itself with a human. iPhone and human integration is an unannounced feature that comes with the recently released iPhone 4S.
The integration feature, named iBorg, was used for the first time by James Maddow last week when he inadvertently hit the home button five consecutive times.
Local Man Total Dick Since Getting iPhone
Published September 2010TUCSON, AZ – Friends of local man Jay Ralllan have committed to no longer inviting him to any social event or gathering until he learns to put down his fucking phone.
Scientists Build Robot That Can Press Elevator Button
Published August 2010CAMBRIDGE, MA – Students at MIT have succeeded in building a robot with artificial intelligence capable of pressing an elevator button.
Guy at Concert Really Into Vinyl Records
Published May 2010CLEVELAND, OH – During several different conversations with several different people at a recent Mates of State concert, local man Landon “Buster” Keane mentioned several times that every album he’s purchased in the past year has been on vinyl as apposed to CDs or online music stores.
Recent iPhone Purchase Fails to Change Local Man’s Life
Published January 2010MINNEAPOLIS, MN – Despite expectations to the contrary, the recent purchase of an Apple iPhone has left Geoffrey Glocke’s life relatively unchanged.
Valentine's Day Gift Causes Reevaluation of Relationship
Published January 2008WATSONS GLENN, VA – A Valentine’s Day gift given to Jessica Berg by her boyfriend Adam Benjamin has forced Berg to reevaluate the couple’s relationship. The gift, edible panties, is regarded by Berg as “fuckin’ bullshit.”