PORTLAND, OR – A local 22-year-old woman admits she did not vote in the recent election despite having every intention of doing so.

PRESCOTT, AZ – A local Republican says he’s getting a bored “constantly owning all the libs” and is considering taking some time off to focus on himself.

TOLEDO, OH – The winner of the recent Mega Millions lottery jackpot said she plans to purchase her very own politician with the winnings.

AUSTIN, TX – Texas Governor Greg Abbott has signed a new law that makes it illegal to make a white man feel uncomfortable in any way.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – The Chinese government is definitely not censoring or influencing this article which is about Taiwan.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – Senators Joe Manchin and Kyrsten Sinema have proposed changes to the funding of the infrastructure bill.

NASHVILLE, TN – A new online support group has been launched to help Republicans find music made by artists that align with current Republican values.

DALLAS, TX – After recent winter storms almost completely destroyed Texas’ power grid, the Texas state government has passed a law requiring all residents to generate their own power.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Joe Biden stunned the nation during last month’s inauguration ceremony by removing a mask revealing that Hillary Clinton had been disguised as Biden during the election.

WASHINGTON, D.C. – President Elect Joe Biden has announced the nomination of Post Malone to a new cabinet position of Secretary of Yeet.